Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Balance

Spring is here and although it doesn't feel like it yet, you can feel it humming just under the surface... kinda how I've been feeling in my life too. I feel as if I'm poised for some major shifts and transitions. It's a kind of an expectant, bubbling up, powerful feeling I'm getting. Like the moments just before a race and the "ready...set... go!!" and "BANG!" of the starters gun signaling the start of all that running.

 Most times in my life I feel like I'm running. Flying by the seat of my pants really... giving my all, heaving and panting into the finish line but not really getting anywhere, or even running a good race.

I set my intentions in a ritual on the spring equinox in honor of the equal length of light and dark and for theme of balance. I set my intentions to have more balance in my life. To that end I have decided to give up the office space I took several months ago back in December. It was a really cute space and perfect for seeing herbal clients. The only problem is I don't have enough steady clients at this point to really be able to afford the space, and I realized that in order to get enough clients to make it worth while, I would need to be seeing more people than I realistically have time to see and still give my children enough of my time.

Again. Balance.

So I let it go....

I have so  much time ahead of me once they are grown to have an office and see tons of client and build my herbal business. Looking at my children lately and how fast they are growing makes me realize how fleeting this time with them while they are little really is. I don't want to miss anything. I want to be present.

I realized upon cleaning Ruby's room tonight and discovering all these little pictures she had drawn, that I didn't recognize them. This might not sound like much, but I remembered all the pictures that her older brother Gryphon drew. I can look at his pictures at that age and tell you exactly where we were and what we were doing when he drew them. Maybe that sounds too involved, but I feel like I'm missing out on my children even when they are near me all day when I'm  not fully present for the experience. This is something very important to me in my parenting. I want my children to know that I have other interests and a life of my own of course, but I also want them to feel that when I am with them that I am really WITH them, not absent, distracted or somewhere else.

This is what I desire when I asked for balance in my life.

I seek balance between work and play. time alone and time with friends, moderation in all things. Even in asking this I realize that it's impossible to have it all the time, it's only something to strive for. We must learn to recognize when we are tipping to one side or other of the tightrope and make the proper adjustments before we fall one way or the other.

This spring I'm watching each step and calibrating as I go, even as I feel big things coming on the horizon.... There is such a wealth of worthwhile things to see, do and be in the world. We are truly blessed. How then to choose and say no to any of these wonderful opportunities? I am still learning this, and learning that less really is more.

What does spring energy mean to you? Can you feel the buzzing in the air too? How do you choose to create balance in your life?

2 comments:

Michele said...

Balance... My intent too... I swear, I'm going to find it (if I have to beat it, kicking and screaming into my life!) Wait... That doesnt sound so... balanced...

:)

Cant wait to see you soon!

Nikki said...

Nice post! Although I'm going into Autumn on my side of the world, I've been refinding the balance.